OPINION
Tales of the Chief, #11
Published on July 19, 2007 By Big Fat Daddy In Misc
The USS California was a battleship of the old school, deck force didn't have "racks" (bunks), they were issued hammocks which they strung at night (or when they weren't on shift). The other facilities were primitive, too. Most notably, the bathroom arrangement (called the "head", for some nautical reason). There were no toilets or even seats. There was a steel plate that ran the length of the room, tear drop shaped holes (toilet-esque) every three feet or so were partioned by two foot square upright panels to provide some ...what?...privacy?...anyway...under this plate was a shallow trough that had sea water constantly sluicing through it. So whatever you dropped immediately sailed under your...dumpmates?...and out into the sea. There was no EPA then.

Periodically, usually in the early morning or later evening...peak hours...prime time...one of the deck force seaman apprentices was tasked by the Bos'un to go below and fetch a pail of diesel fuel. In the old Navy, seamen went to a ship right out of boot camp and joined the deck force...all those white caps you see swarming over a ship all the time ...swabbing... chipping... painting... swabbing.... While on the deck force they could exam the different jobs that sailors could be trained to do and they could "strike for a rate" or try out for a job. At some point they would fit a job and get to go to school...or just learn the job on the ship. Part of being an apprentice on the deck force was being at the beck and call of the Bos'uns Mate...sort of the official bully of the ship. Apprentices are forever showing up in odd places looking for things the Bos'un had sent them after...a bucket of steam...or a bucket of sand...mounting holes...kanuter valves...etc. So a bucket of diesel seemed another wild goose chase...but not so, young apprentice. For this time the bucket of diesel was an important part of a cherished tradition aboard the California, the flaming of the a**holes.

Boats would take a roll of toilet paper and soak it in the diesel, light it, hold it until it was joyously aflame, then place it in the trough at the inboard end and watch all the whitecaps pop up with a shreik as the flaming toilet paper roll passed under them on its journey to the sea. Sort of an early version of the "Wave" at you favorite stadium.

The California, BB44, was the Chief's first ship. He participated in this tradion both as flamer and as a flamee. It was one of his favorite memories of the old battleship. I am smiling now thinking of how much he enjoyed telling me this story.


Comments
on Jul 19, 2007
great story, i can see it in my mind beautifully. thanks, bfd.
on Jul 20, 2007
That is definitely a keeper!
on Jul 20, 2007
Laughing out loud in an empty apartment! (Again) Good thing no one hears me or I'd be on the way to the loony bin Daddy. I know about the bucket of steam, catching seabats, mail bouy watch and the Liberty Helo, but what is a Kanuter valve?
on Jul 20, 2007
what is a Kanuter valve


Ah, grasshopper, you have reached the essence of the question...what is a Kanuter valve?...or a muffler bearing?...how does one come by mounting holes?...ain't no such of a thing. As a private in Bad Kissingen, i visited every motor pool on Daly Barracks in search of the drastically important kanuter valve my squad leader sent me for...at every stop along the way I was met with helpful NCOs who unfortunately didn't have one but they thought I could find one over at the artillery shop...or the MP motor pool...or the Engineers must have a spare...took best part of a day before one of my platoon mates caught up with me with instructions to bring me back to the fuel dump...I think I had the record for hours spent in a cloud of stupid.
on Jul 22, 2007
Just don't send someone out for a can of squelch remover on an Air Force base, they may come back with one!
on Jul 23, 2007
My favorite was going down to the air-field to get a bucket of rotor-wash...