OPINION
Published on February 12, 2010 By Big Fat Daddy In Misc

Tova's story of her son's problem at school has triggered a flood of memories of those days when our tribe was school-bound. I have mentioned this story in a comment before, but here is the story as best as I recall it...Toothache may want to step in and make editorial comments.

We were in Missouri, a state that allows coporal punishment in its grade schools. They have some fairly restrictive rules about who and when the paddle can be administered, but parental notification is not one of the rules.

I got a call from Toothache, he had gotten into some kind of trouble at school, I don't even recall what it was, but they had left him alone in someone's office while they got the paddling crew organized and insured they had all their bases covered. I drove over to the school as soon as I could and found him still sitting in the office alone. I went in and sat with him, waiting for the paddlers to return.

It wasn't a long wait. They all came in together with the "Board of Education"...a paddle no doubt custom-made in wood shop. They were quite surprised to see me there and suddenly their stern looks and demeaner changed to one of uncertainty and nervousness. They immediately began to explain themselves and their "right" to administer the paddle and whatever infraction Jimmy was guilty of. When it was my turn, I explained my policy and my "right" as a parent to protect my child. I made sure they understood that if the boy needed a paddling, I was the designated paddler...when I determined it was necessary...in the privacy of my home. I reiterated that no one on the school staff had better ever even consider it their "right" to lay a hand on any of my children unless they were prepared to receive in kind. I was hot but I think I remained calm enough that they considered my offer to be valid and that I was more than capable of fulfilling it. They seemed to want to argue the point but did not. The paddle was replace on its hook unused.

Now to clear this up, I am not a "mollycoddler" when it comes to my kids. I know that Toothache and I discussed whatever it was that got him in the hot seat to begin with. If I had felt that the infraction had earned a paddling, I would have provided that paddling...at home...in private. And Toothache knew that. Whatever the offense was, I didn't feel it rated more than a counseling and a promise to improve.

The idea that a school system should have the right put a paddle to a kid's butt just infuriates me. This same school system was turning out slack-jawed, droolers who couldn't read or write after twelve years in this system's tutelage. A school with teachers who would allow a kid to skip his next class so they could sit around and shoot the breeze. I have known some really special teachers over the years, unfortunately not enough


Comments
on Feb 12, 2010

I thought this was going to be about a canoe trip!

Given the age of your children, I am especially surprised.  It had to be the late 60s at the earliest (probably the 70s), and I thought it was a thing of the past then.  Perhaps not, but while I do believe in corporal punishment, like you, I would be the corporal!  I never hit my children in anger - instead waiting until I was calmed down before dispensing punishment.

on Feb 12, 2010

Come on, Doc!  I ain't that old!  This took place in Pulaski County, Missouri, in 1986 or 87.  The school was physically on Fort Leonard Wood.  The year before he had had a teacher that was the best ever...go figure.

on Feb 12, 2010

What exactly do you define as corporal punishment? and what would warrant it - my parents never used that.. well the occasional slap in the face or on the butt when we were insolent, but nothing with a paddle or cane or anything like that.

on Feb 12, 2010

Corporal punishment is a rather general term that means some sort of physical punishment.  In schools it normally is defined as being hit on the butt with a paddle (so as to avoid "touching").  Not really very hard but degrading.  In Catholic schools the nuns would rap you on the knuckles with a ruler.  In Singapore they still punish with a cane as was illustrated a few years ago in the news.  Small kids have padded butts for the very purpose of providing a target for a well earned swat.

on Feb 12, 2010

Ain't that the truth about padded butts hehe

They used that sort of punishment for a long time in german schools as well, but now corporal punishment by a teacher in school is a criminal offense and it is generally illegal even in private. I think a swat on a padded butt doesn't qualify as criminal offense though - but a paddle certainly does. Teachers aren't allowed to humiliate students as punishment either here, even when it happens in the principals office. It is legal in Missouri, I looked it up. Insane. Did I mention that I think that americans are a bit crazy? Also, I wanted to ask where your nicknames for your children come from - Toothache is sort of original.

 

on Feb 13, 2010

Toothache is my number three son.  Where the name came from I have no idea, he did it to comment on my articles without me knowing who it was.  The truth finally came out, though.  Humbordt is my number two son, his name comes from a distortion of the old "Happy Face" that he has drawn himself and named years ago.  My number one son blogs under the name Hyperborean Wanderer which I think comes from a science-fiction series he read some time ago.  MamieLady is my older daughter, it is one of the many things we called her when she was growing up.  I have another daughter I call "Boogie".  She doesn't blog, to my knowledge.  The name comes from a nickname a German girl we used to know called her baby.

on Feb 23, 2010

Big Fat Daddy
Come on, Doc!  I ain't that old!  This took place in Pulaski County, Missouri, in 1986 or 87.  The school was physically on Fort Leonard Wood.  The year before he had had a teacher that was the best ever...go figure.

Sorry, I was just adding a few years to my age.  Given the 80s, that makes it even worse!

on Mar 03, 2010

they wanted to paddle me for not doing my homework. crazy.

this is a small story to my dad, but a defining moment in my life. i will never forget the faces of my pricipal and math teacher when they came in the office and saw my dad in full army-man uniform. priceless.

they left me alone to dwell on the spanking that was coming. i was scared as hell, so i called my dad at work. he was there in what seemed like less than 5 min. dad not only prevented the paddling, but it was amazing to me how quickly he took control of the room. he had those guys apologizing to him and me before he left.

like i said, a defining moment in my life, that i think about a lot. sometimes when i was a kid, it seemed like the whole world was against me. i was terrible in school. hated every minute until the day i graduated. i felt like mom and dad were on the schools side. always in trouble because of schoolwork.

that day showed me clearly that my dad was on my side. that he loved me more than he wanted me to do schoolwork. most importantly, he proved that he would stick up for me and have my back when things got hairy. not just say it, but do it.

i wish all of you could have been there. my pops is a confident, strong man. without raising his voice and getting crazy, he made those guys understand who was in control that day. no question. i was blown away. i think i was in 4th grade.

to this day, my dad is my biggest hero. not just because of this, but this is the big one when i was a kid. because of that day, i look forward to the times i can stand up and take control of a situation for my kids. i've done it with schools, teachers, and my girls biological dad. and every time, i've thought of the time my dad stood up for me that day. i do it calmly and confidently. i always get my way. not being cocky, just the facts. my dad didn't lose, he didn't let me down, and i won't either. it may sound sentimental, but its the truth. he made me feel safe and protected when i was a kid. and now i'm a confident adult.

i never got any better in school, and dad and me fought about it sometimes, but i never felt like he didn't love me over it again.

and lastly, he didn't spank me over the homework thing that night either. i think i got a pass because of the threat at school. haha.

on Mar 03, 2010

toothachesrevenge
they wanted to paddle me for not doing my homework. crazy.

this is a small story to my dad, but a defining moment in my life. i will never forget the faces of my pricipal and math teacher when they came in the office and saw my dad in full army-man uniform. priceless.

they left me alone to dwell on the spanking that was coming. i was scared as hell, so i called my dad at work. he was there in what seemed like less than 5 min. dad not only prevented the paddling, but it was amazing to me how quickly he took control of the room. he had those guys apologizing to him and me before he left.

like i said, a defining moment in my life, that i think about a lot. sometimes when i was a kid, it seemed like the whole world was against me. i was terrible in school. hated every minute until the day i graduated. i felt like mom and dad were on the schools side. always in trouble because of schoolwork.

that day showed me clearly that my dad was on my side. that he loved me more than he wanted me to do schoolwork. most importantly, he proved that he would stick up for me and have my back when things got hairy. not just say it, but do it.

i wish all of you could have been there. my pops is a confident, strong man. without raising his voice and getting crazy, he made those guys understand who was in control that day. no question. i was blown away. i think i was in 4th grade.

to this day, my dad is my biggest hero. not just because of this, but this is the big one when i was a kid. because of that day, i look forward to the times i can stand up and take control of a situation for my kids. i've done it with schools, teachers, and my girls biological dad. and every time, i've thought of the time my dad stood up for me that day. i do it calmly and confidently. i always get my way. not being cocky, just the facts. my dad didn't lose, he didn't let me down, and i won't either. it may sound sentimental, but its the truth. he made me feel safe and protected when i was a kid. and now i'm a confident adult.

i never got any better in school, and dad and me fought about it sometimes, but i never felt like he didn't love me over it again.

and lastly, he didn't spank me over the homework thing that night either. i think i got a pass because of the threat at school. haha.
Your dad reminds me of my mom alot in that regard.. she was able to take controll in that fashion against anyone when it came to us kids.She still does that even today when we're all grown up.

Paddling a child for not doing homework is a bit extreme, even if it was legal. There are better ways to dish out punishment. There is almost no peadagogical benefit from humiliating a child like that.
I remember that my teachers would make us come in early and help the cleaning ladies or stay after school and sort resistors in the physics lab or just do extra schoolwork for punitives measures like being too cheeky, coming late, missing class too often etc. My english teacher made everyone learn a poem and recite it in front of class for not doing homework in7th grade. lol.

I like reading your dad's stories becaouse you lived in Germany and I find them really interesting, and I like his humour in the stories as well. You all sound like a great family. Even though this is almost totally anonymous, I am glad your sorry butt was saved that day in such a memorable way and that you are all the stronger for it today.

on Mar 04, 2010

Ruthie:  "Sorry Butt"?  I thought you didn't know him.    

For the record...Toothache has become a wonderful father, his girls and his son love him to tears.  So do I.

Jimbo:  We were always on your side...sometimes you made it harder than others.  But you were always and continue to be my son, nothing has changed except you are bigger than me now.

on Mar 04, 2010

Any 4th grader waiting to meet "the board of education" has a sorry butt - don't have to know lil jimmy to know THAT

on Mar 04, 2010

toothachesrevenge
they left me alone to dwell on the spanking that was coming. i was scared as hell, so i called my dad at work. he was there in what seemed like less than 5 min. dad not only prevented the paddling, but it was amazing to me how quickly he took control of the room. he had those guys apologizing to him and me before he left.

Well, I can say you are a chip off the old block as you reminded me of another story (just as your father does) - not with a top flight NCO, but with a full bird colonel.  I will impart that one on you soon.  Thanks for jogging some old gray cells!

 

on Mar 05, 2010

Thank you all, your readership means a lot to me.

on Mar 05, 2010

I have to disagree. I was paddled many times in school and look how I turned out...well, ok, never mind, maybe a bad example.

on Mar 05, 2010

Mason:  I ain't agin whompin' a kid...but I am the ONLY authorized whomper...know what I mean?  And you didn't turn out so bad...