I woke up this morning to the chirping of my alarm clock.  Trash day.  I went through three snooze button cycles before I forced myself to sit up and start getting dressed.  Like every morning, I sat there taking a short inventory of sensations:  lower back pain still there, ankles and knees and wrists and thumbs all flaming with arthritis, headache behind the eyes, blood pressure up, blood sugar too high, and obviously, a shower should be considered soon.  I took just a second to think about my upcoming visit with my primary care provider.  I have to pick which of my many complaints I could address with her at this appointment;  she has informed me on many occasions that I only had time to deal with one malady per visit.  So we always go over why my blood sugar tests are lousy and why my blood pressure meds need to be adjusted, and we never get to spend much time on other issues.  , They always ask me if I am in pain.  I say yes.  They ask about their scale of one-to-ten and where the pain is.  I answer.  Then nothing else is said about it.  This morning as I rose off the bed to the snap, crackle, and pop of my joints, I thought, "I need to turn in a 2404 on myself"!

For the many of you who have no idea what that means, I will explain.  I used to be in the Army.  When we had to dispatch a vehicle, it had to be inspected first.  Everything that was found wrong on the vehicle had to be noted on a DA form 2404, The Equipment Inspection and Maintenance Worksheet.  A driver would inspect his vehicle and make entries on the 2404.  If the fault was something the driver was authorized and able to fix, a loose mirror arm for example, he would pull out the wrench or screwdriver and tighten it...then write down what he did and initial the form.  If the mirror arm was loose because the frame was broken and needed to be welded, he would make the entry and move on.  After the inspection by the driver was complete, he would take the vehicle and the form to the company maintenance shop.  A mechanic would then inspect the form and determine the correct action.  In the case of the mirror arm, if it could be welded, the welding would be done at the shop and the mechanic who did the work would write down what he did and initial the form.  If the frame couldn't be welded, the mechanic would look up the part number and order a new mirror arm.  Then he would note on the 2404 that parts were on order for that deficiency.  Then the mechanic had to determine if that loose mirror arm was a major safety issue requiring the vehicle to be taken out of service until repaired (called "Deadlined").  Even on a new vehicle, you could always find a few things that needed attention.  Once the form was completed, parts ordered, repairs made, driver's maintenance completed, the 2404 would be attached to the DA 2400 the utilization record we called a "trip ticket" and the vehicle could be dispatched.

In the sixties, some of the vehicles we had in Germany were so old and beat up that a 2404 would be three or four pages long.  "Parts on Order" became code for "we can't fix it, we can't get the part, and there ain't much hope of ever getting it".  Some of the trucks leaked so badly that we had to carry pans around with us and whenever we parked we had to put the pan under the vehicle.  ( Before a leak earned a "deadlined" status, it had to be dripping over a certain number of drops per minute).  We all knew the whole thing was a huge CYA operation but the procedure was practically Army wide, with slight variations from place to place.  If you got stopped by an inspection crew, the first thing they would do would be to look at your 2404 and determine if all those notes and symbols were correct.  Then they would inspect the vehicle to be sure all the repairs listed on the form had actually been made, and if there were any deficiencies that were not found by the driver or the mechanic.  If the inspection crew found the vehicle to be correctly maintained and annotated, you could drive on.  If they found faults or deficiencies that had not been noted on the form, the driver had to fix the things he could and the crew would decide if the repairs that required a mechanic   could be deferred until the vehicle returned to the shop or if a mechanic could come out and fix it...in some cases the vehicle would be deadlined and would have to be towed back to the shop.

The Army, like all huge entities, ran on paper.  One of the most important papers was that 2404.  It recorded all the maintenance that was performed on equipment;  if you had something that needed to be fixed, even if it was some minor thing that a mechanic could do in ten minutes with a crescent wrench...adjust a clutch for example...it wouldn't get done until it was turned in on a 2404, the form logged by the maintenance shop and prioritized by the shop foreman.  The 2404 was a pretty important piece of paper.  It got things done.  It recorded all that was reported and all that wasn't (if it wasn't on a 2404, it didn't exsist).  It tracked scheduled maintenance (oil changes, lubes, inspections, etc) and unscheduled maintenance (broken stuff and leaks, etc)  It protected the driver:  "I turned in a 2404 on it!!" It protected the shop:   "We never got a 2404 on that!"  And it became an official record of work done and not done.  And if it had been turned in on a 2404...you can bet someone was gonna have to address the issue.

So when I stretched my back this morning, feeling all the grinding and popping and the stabbing pains, I thought that it would be really nice if I could go up to the hospital with a 2404 and just sit there in the "shop" until someone worked off all the deficiencies.  Lie back watching   TV while they changed my oil and fixed my mirror arms.